Επειδή οι μέρες πέρασαν και έφτασε ο καιρός* που αγριεμένα (μάλλον επειδή δεν πήγαν διακοπές!) και πεινασμένα (από το ΚΑΚΟ τους) ζόμπι θα ξεχυθούν ξανά στους δρόμους της Αθήνας, καλύτερα να είσαι προετοιμασμένος!
* Νύχτες Πρεμιέρας baby!!! και 1η Οκτώβρη στις αίθουσες
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Απλά αναδημοσιεύω από
http://www.zombiephiles.com :
Ten WORST Things to Do During a Zombie Outbreak10. Don’t set zombies on fire. Burning zombies smell terrible.We’re not sure why you see it in every zombie movie, but it stands to reason that the only thing worse than a zombie is a flaming zombie. Remember, it can take a long time for a zombie to burn to death - more than ten minutes, in some recorded cases. Do you really want a burning zombie lighting you and your friends on fire? Play it safe - chances are good that there won’t be any fire-fighting infrastructure during a zombie outbreak if things get out of hand.
9. Don’t get sentimental. Zombies won’t.Sure, it’s your house. Sure, they were your family and friends. But now it’s a zombie nest, and they’re zombies. Stick around, and your best chance is to become zombie food - worst case, you’ll end up a zombie like the rest. Zombies don’t have any feelings - neither should you.
8. Don’t forget to shut the door behind you. Zombies often come over without calling first.Were you born in a barn? Zombies might not be the brightest, but they know an open door when they see one. Keep your suburban zombie fortress secure by remembering to close and lock the door behind you. And don’t slam it either! Zombies hate that.
7. Don’t keep zombies in the basement. Even if they are your zombie family.Devotion to family and friends is touching. However, you don’t want them to be touching you, after they’re dead. Do yourself a favor and make sure you put zombie friends and family down properly. Remember, there is no zombie cure, and keeping them around only prolongs their suffering and increases the risk for everyone. Besides, do you really want to get eaten by your buddies?
6. Don’t try to reunite with friends / family over long distances.Seems like a great idea, doesn’t it? That’s what everyone thinks. Look, do the math. If you leave your house at noon, heading toward your mum’s, traveling 3 km per hour, and a crowd of zombies leaves the general vicinity of your mum’s at the same time, heading toward you at 1 km per hour, what time will you get eaten by zombies? Skip the math and consult rule #9.
5. Don’t go down. Zombies can go down too.Zombies can’t climb. You can. In light of this, why would you ever choose to go down, rather than up? Stay out of basements, gullies, sewers, and anyplace else that zombies might unwittingly wander / fall into and be unable to get out of. Remember, it’s unlikely that a human would be in a sewer, but zombies don’t care a whit about the smell.
4. Don’t broadcast your presence. Zombies may be listening.Zombies that still retain their ears have been statistically shown to have above-average recognition of bassline frequencies. If you absolutely must blast music while killing zombies, do it on your Ipod, and you might want to consider delaying that block party until after the zombie outbreak blows over. During a zombie outbreak, remember to turn your cell phone to vibrate - it’s only polite.
3. Don’t stand in front of the window. That’s just foolish.You’d think this one didn’t require stating, but apparently it does. Windows are an aesthetic defense against the environment, not protection against zombies and the living dead. Once you find your fortress, barricade the windows as quickly as possible and stay the hell away from them. Whatever you do, don’t deliver speeches with your back to them.
2. Don’t get too creative with zombie defense.Sure, chainsaw slits in your van seemed like a good idea at the time, before you filled your car with fumes and exhaust, passed out at the wheel and got yourself sawed in half. The temptation to get very creative with zombie dispatching can seem almost unbearable at times, but when it comes to killing zombies, that old adage applies: Keep it simple, stupid!
1. Don’t be “that one asshole”, in your group.Textual analysis of zombie movies has proven that
“that one asshole”, a character ubiquitous in zombie and survival horror movies, only stands a
4.32% chance of surviving until the end of the movie.
Later studies have challenged that figure, citing several movies in which
“that one asshole” was one-upped by
“the other, bigger asshole”, who then assumed
“that one asshole” status.
What do these figures mean?
Being nice matters. To dramatically increase your chances of survival, make sure you always have
“that one asshole” traveling in your party with you, otherwise you might end up playing the role of
“that weak douchebag”, a similarly ill-fated character.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you believe you are
already “that one asshole”, you should
immediately leave your group. You might be able to pass as
“that Kevin Costner anti-hero” if you’re traveling solo.
και από
www.theartofwarmovie.com :
Ten Things That Will Get You Killed In A Zombie Movie#10 - Not Being PreparedNow this is a very simple thing that everyone can do. Are you scared zombies might attack some day (or any monster for that matter). Well, then make sure your car's battery is properly charged and your car starts within seconds of you turning the key. Make sure you have food, and flashlights that actually work. Keep a decent weapon, even if it's a baseball bat, somewhere that you can get to easily. Make sure to clear the floors of things you could easily trip over while running to escape a zombie attack. Basically put, don't be an idiot. If you are an idiot, you will die. Sorry. Darwinism.
#9 - Drinking, Doing Drugs or Having SexWe all know virgins have a 100 times greater survival chance than the school slut, but regardless of that fact, if a zombie attack is on, don't take time out and let your guard down to pork some moderately good looking person you happen to be trapped with. Seriously! And drinking or smoking weed while under the threat of zombie eating is just ridiculous. The lat thing your small group of survivors needs is you drinking yourself stupid, and crying and telling stories about how your parents never really loved you, or smoking up and talking about how the universe really is alive, you just have to feel it, you know? Any of these things means instant, and deserved, death.
#8 - Not Investigating Strange Noises"Was that a moan?" "Did you hear that?" famous last words. Did you hear something? Well, then don't turn around and go back to sleep until you are 100% sure that what you heard was the wind, and not sixteen zombies coming down the stairs to eat you. Just like how you don't make out with a chick until you're sure its a chick (thank you Crying Game), you better make sure there are no zombies.
#7 - The Panicky GuyAh yes, that one guy, who no matter how good things get, can't stop yelling, screaming, and saying "Game Over man!". He's usually the guy who suggests the group should "split up". Kill this guy immediately. He will only get the group killed. Plus, things will be much more peaceful once he's gone.
#6 - Checking To Make Sure the Zombie Is DeadSo you've just beaten a zombie to the ground, and you think you've killed it, but you want to make sure. Good, I understand, a little caution can go a long way. So what's the best way to make sure it's dead? The correct answer is not "slowly reach my arm towards the zombies neck and or face to poke it to see if it moves". That's just stupid. The correct answer is "Keep beating the dead body until it looks like someone threw a balloon filled with cherry Kool Aide on the floor, and then set the remains on fire and watch them burn until only ashes remain".
#5 - Not Paying AttentionOK, so you've established there is a large number of zombies, they are eating people, and they are after you. For the love of crumb cake, pay attention to your surroundings. Is there a bloody handprint on the wall? Well, then that bloody handprint probably belongs to a bloody zombie, so look for it and kill it. Is the whole town abandoned? Well, it was probably abandoned for a reason, so STAY AWAY! Always, always, always check the back seat of your car. If the dog is barking and whining and cowling in the corner, look out, because it knows what it's talking about (please don't just say "Hey boy, what's the matter?" and slowly walk towards him). It's the little things most zombie victims don't notice that make the "victims" instead of "survivors".
#4 - Investigating Strange NoisesSo you heard a strange noise, and you're obeying rule #8, and making sure you investigate said noise. Well, do so quickly, and with a large group of people and every light available. None of this "slowly walking down some creaky stairs while squinting into impenetrable blackness". If that's you, you're just asking to be eaten. And you probably deserve to be.
#3 - Going Out At NightThere are zombies. They are slow. They are trying to eat you. Normally, during the day, it's not such a bad situation. You can see them slowly stumbling towards you about fifty yards away, so by walking briskly, you can avoid them. Not so at night. So don't be an idiot. Wait until the morning to try and find help, or escape. Not when it's dark, and zombie spotting capabilities are at an all time low.
#2 - Being HungryI know this is tied into the "Not Being Prepared" subject, but it's so common I think it deserves it's own mention here. When preparing for a zombie attack, pack plenty of food. And you know what, if you have to go hungry, so be it. The human body can survive three weeks without food. And yet, after six or seven hours without a meal, we see countless zombie film characters whining about starvation and venturing out into the dark zombie filled night to get a cheeseburger. Listen up fatty! You can wait a day or two for the military to arrive and kill all the zombies. It might do your fat self some good to lose some weight anyway!
#1 - Your FamilyI know this sounds callous, I know it's hard to hear, but nothing kills more people in zombies movies (other than the zombies of course) than familial attachments. "But he's my brother! I can't blow up my brother!" No he ain't dude! He's a zombie, and he's going to eat your brains. What's the best solution? Well, you could drag them with you on your adventure, and when they get turned, just kill them right away. But honestly, who wants to deal with that mess anyway. It's best just to tell them you're going for help, and never come back. Besides, what doesn't kill them will only make them stronger, and if your 3 year old somehow survives the zombie attack, well, you've got a future Bruce Campbell on your hands.
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